She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
