dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
