Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
