I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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