dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
