You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
