God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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