it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
