you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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