How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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