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We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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