do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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