please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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