dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
