this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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