Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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