Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
