Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We left the knife in your bed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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