the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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