I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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