at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
