Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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