so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
