So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
