I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
