he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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