My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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