Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
