so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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