We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
True strength comes from lack of pants
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
