Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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