Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Damn victory sex feels great
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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