Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
