I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
