If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
