i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
