What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
