Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
