I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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