did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
