I will die if light touches me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize