Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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