Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
