im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
