if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
