Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
