Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Still dying that you shit outside
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
