I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
