just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
