dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
