Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
