she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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