don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
