There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
