Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
