Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
