I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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