I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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