His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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