Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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