I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
