I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
