if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
