all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
