Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
