I just saw a hot homeless man
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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