I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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