im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i need some magic done to my vagina
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
