I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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