i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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