i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
