she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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