Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
