Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
