It's Friday. Sex?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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