I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
