Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
