Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
