margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
